And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize