Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
