so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
