Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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