Me. At least after what I've been through.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
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Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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