i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
