I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
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I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think your dad took our porno
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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