just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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