Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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