she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am midnight drunk by noon
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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