Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
