dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
