Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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