Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
