I didn't shave. On purpose
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
