Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
