cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
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All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
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I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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