I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
