I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
