Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
