Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
