Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
