I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
