Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You took a bar mat shot.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
