You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
