I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Your cock deserves a montage
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
