erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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