So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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