There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
