Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
