bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
