he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
