Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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