It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
