I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
