I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
