he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
