That's intense
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
