he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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