I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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