I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
