In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
