Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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