she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
