I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
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no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
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he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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