matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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