I want to walk on stilts...naked
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
