Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
