Me too!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
