Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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