College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
