WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
