We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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