Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
