He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
