What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
