Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
