honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
