am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
