Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
how drunk are you?
Several
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
