the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
