i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
