Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
