the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
