Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He did a backflip because drugs
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
