what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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