It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
