i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
