glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
