I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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