apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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