Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
