So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
