grandma shit on top of the toilet
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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