You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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