oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
