But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
