in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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