it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the day after is always just damage control
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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