how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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